August 9, 2010

Adoption...

A year and a half ago I had some medical problems that resulted in having to have a hysterectomy.
I struggled with this decision because I just wasn't sure our family was complete. After much prayer and fasting this was still a struggle because medically this decision was being made for me and I didn't want to accept it. Reality was I didn't have any other options. Physically I could not carry a baby even if for some reason I got pregnant. Finally I had to come to terms with this loss and move forward. I have been doing a pretty good job of convincing myself that we are done, I am happy with the three boys we have. They are such a huge blessing, how could I ask for more. No more diapers, potty training, sleepless nights, we are good, our family is complete!

However, a few months ago I started having this feeling that we are NOT complete! I would look at pictures of our family and feel like someone was missing. I would see little boys holding their little baby sister and it would make my heart ache. I wanted a little girl to share things with, play dolls, do her hair, play dress up, have the amazing friendship I have with my mom. I wanted Tyler to experience the love of a daughter. There is a special bond between a daddy and his little girl. I have loved having three brothers to look after, protect, and love me. They are better men today because they learned at a young age how to treat girls and respect for women. Not that my brothers wouldn't have learned this on their own from my parents, but there is an eternal bond that exists with siblings and I wanted my boys to have that blessing.
This didn't help matters much because even if I could have had another baby there is no guarantee it would have been a girl. And even though I still felt like someone was missing, I didn't have a way for that baby to get here. It has made me really reflect on how precious a gift it is to be able to bring spirits, babies into this world. It is something that I have always taken for granted because I COULD, I brought three incredible boys into this world but now I CAN'T, I no longer have that precious gift.
Awe, but we do...
Tyler and I started talking about the idea of adoption. We have fasted and prayed a great deal about this because to us this is a Huge responsibility, and a Huge blessing! Yes, this baby may not physically look like Tyler and I, but we feel that spiritually this baby was meant to come to our home. It hit me the other night as I was reading a blessing I was given. I have read this blessing a hundred times and this phrase has never had any significance until that day. It said "You were saved until this time to be born to wonderful parents" It hit me and I started to cry...
My feelings were always such: If I was supposed to have another baby, it would have come in one of the three miscarriages I had after our third son. It wasn't until that moment that I realized, That spirit wasn't supposed to come to the earth at that time. But it is Now. I can't bring it here, but someone else can...through the miracle of adoption.
There is this driving force in me that I have to act on this. Whenever I try to forget about it and think about something else, it is right there on my mind. We told the kids about our decision and wanted to know what they thought. They were all excited until the thought of Barbies entered the picture. (Which is so funny, because I never played with Barbies) We asked them to pray that we would be able to make the right decisions. Ashton, our 4 year old, said our family prayer. During the prayer, he said:
Thank you that we could get a new baby. Thank you that someone else doesn’t want their baby anymore and they’ll give it to us.
Funny, sad, sweet, and poignant-all at the same time. Tyler and I have been so blessed and are so grateful for the three boys we have, that we want to share that love with a little girl.  According to statistics  adoption happens much quicker through word of mouth and other contacts.  I have struggled with this concept because I would never want to feel like we are campaigning for a baby.  We would however, love all the help we can get!! We are excited about what the future holds and feel that the Lord will guide us in this journey according to his will.



14 comments:

The Davis Family Three said...

Jill, thanks for sharing your thoughts. What an amazing decision you have made. And what an amazing journey you have ahead of you! I have personally seen the blessings adoption can bring and appreciate you sharing such a personal and spiritual experience. Your family will be in our thoughts and prayers... :)

Amber + Jonathan said...

Good luck Jill! I wish you guys the best of luck and I'll keep an ear and eye out for anything to pass along. ♥

Corinne said...

That is so exciting for your family Jill. Best of luck...you will be in our prayers.

The Queen said...

JILL!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited for you all!!!! What a wonderful blessing to give to a sweet spirit who needs your family, I can't wait to hear how it all pans out. I hope it goes smoothly!! Love you!

Rachel S. Smith said...

What a beautiful post! We will pray that the process is smooth and that our hearts will be open to hear and know of someone that may be in a situation that you could help. Looking forward to our phone call! Have fun tonight at the boys school!

Jenna Garns said...

Wow, that sounds like a wonderful idea! Some baby out there could be so lucky to join your family. I will keep an eye out and pray for you guys.

nellie said...

Jill, what an amazing decision! We are so excited for you and your family. Wait...our family! A new little cousin :)! I am going to tell Max and Adam tonight and we will remember you in our prayers. Sending you lots of LOVE and "Yay"!

audra said...

Hey Jill, I may have to have a little talk with Ashton about just how much birthmoms DO want their babies :) way to be proactive!

cherie said...

so wonderful to talk with you today, jill!! your words are amazing. we love you all!

amy said...

what a great post. our prayers are with you as you start the adoption journey!! we are excited for you. (and ashton's prayer is so perfect. very age appropriate). we love you guys!

Brittney Smith said...

I am so happy for all of you. Your family is so wonderful, and this new baby girl will be so lucky. Our prayers are with you, and I will let u know if I hear anything!

Cristine Garrison said...

have you contacted meghan fotheringham hilton?

for those who don't know, she is a huge advocate for couples hoping to adopt.

thearizonaexperiment.blogspot.com

SO EXCITED FOR YOU JILL!!

Paradise Found said...

Awesome! I'm VERY excited for the Garns family!!! I agree with Audra.. Birthmoms love their babies so, so, so much that they put their wants aside and make a choice that is right for their baby. We love them so much! I'm glad Miles and Ashton are buddies that will get to talk adoption to each other :) Let me know if I can be of any help. Seems like you know what you're doing. I'm glad you've found peace with the journey to find you baby girl. Love adoption!

John N. Garns said...

Heelo Garns Family! My name is John Garns and I live in PA. I have been researching my family genealogy for some time. I have a lot of info I could share with you. Would you mind giving me your fasmily info so I can see if I can place it with mine. I would be glad to share any info I have with you first if you would feel better about it. Thanks!!